Been a while. Stupid assignments. I keep procrastinating. Rather than backdating a week's worth of posts, here it is all in one large bunch.

What's been happening in my life most recently... my memory is so bad I don't remember anything other than hazy details of days further in history than the day before.
Um...
A day of physical pain and suffering happened about 3 or 4 days ago. High pain tolerance... yeah, it's developing. It's the associated vomiting I'm not too pleased about.
Tillius saw me on the train. Holding a bag of vomit. Embarrassing, to say the least. Ironic though; I'd turned down an offer to meet because of what I expected to happen (though I'd been hoping it wouldn't, I was fine from 10:00 - 13:00), but we met anyway. Oh well, now he knows why I didn't want to meet up that day. I will try to make it up to him sometime this week.

Mase is coming up to Sydney this week too. Family reunion thing this weekend. I'm hoping he will turn up on Tuesday, but that's highly doubtful. Thursday is more likely, which is bad because that is the day I wanted to show Tillius the grand piano at TH. But Friday... Friday would be fine. Yay for one block class in the morning.
DDR! =P

Liz is coming to my place to practice this Saturday, 16:00 to 17:00. Stupid me forgot that parents don't actually leave until 16:45, but mum has said she will take the family out someplace for the hour. Hoping Macquarie Deli won't call me for work. (They haven't in the last 3 or so weeks, why would they choose this week to do so?)

Yesterday... wait no, it's Monday now, so TWO days ago... er... dammit, I should stop staying up so early! It WAS yesterday, because it was in the early hours. Emotional breakdown of some sort.
It was probably what remained of what felt like hours of crying in the dark (probably only about 20min in reality) the day before, for no discernable reason... just felt so very sad. Quite possibly the release of whatever had built up during that day of pain.
The emotional breakdown itself... an hour of tears and staring catatonically at the letters U and I on the keyboard while in front of the computer. I'd spent the last two (or less?) hours trying to get some of the Networking assignment done, with constant interruptions from Net147, who was doing 2u Maths. (I should probably have just signed out of MSN, but couldn't bring myself to do so.) I'd tried asking him some Networking stuff before but the most I'd gotten out of him was half-duplex and full-duplex. Too bad Deckker wasn't online. I blame whoever wrote up the damned assignment questions for being so &!%*&^!$@ inept with the wording!
Add frustration about my own assignment to frustration about terrible memory for 2u maths stuff to interruptions to eventual feelings of unfairness about how I did my best to help him but he couldn't seem to be bothered to do the same for me (for some reason, I think Net147 knows more about networking than I do... I wonder if it's because he's an entire freakn semester ahead of me in the CCNA course) and you get the aforementioned breakdown.

Yes, I know. There are probably gross misunderstandings between us. And yes, I can't seem to let go of my hopes. I do wonder if I will be able to accept it if things do eventually happen and become reality. I suppose by then I will have no choice. Sometimes that is easier to deal with, but I also doubt that will be the case here if I am indeed left with no choice.
I am still somewhat surprised at how quickly he picked up on where my mind had gone. Though it is probably nothing new to him these days, I cannot do the same for him anymore. I... miss that... I miss being able to help him... I miss how close we were before... I miss the two way link we had... how did we lose it...
This lesson comes round and round and round again... will I never learn it? These days I am more fragile than I was before... each pass crushes and rebuilds again, but eventually there will only be dust to rebuild from and not enough glue. What will I do then...
*drags her eyes away from the two letters on the keyboard*
I know what I'll do then... at best, I'll probably drown myself in uni work or study. At worst, I'll destroy myself with anything I can find to do with computers.
I hope I will be able to learn this lesson before that time comes, because when it does, whatever frayed bits of a link may have existed before will cease to exist and we will simply become mere acquaintances. Perhaps by then the memories will also cease to exist, because they will be all encrypted and I will be too hurt or afraid to unlock them. And that would mean I would have to break my promise as well.
...
I don't want to break my promise...

No. No more. *drags her mind out of that line of thought and resets her mood*

Earlier today, Net147 sent me a second (revised) copy of his SDD assignment. He's writing a tetris game. It has music now - rather good track, if a tad fuzzy sounding. He took it from an old DOS game. I spent about an hour playing. I am so easily addicted to games XD

Umm.... what else...

Networking and OOP assignments are due in a week. Must complete Networking assignment by tomrrow if possible, Tuesday night by the latest because there's still a crapload of documentation to do for OOP. Wednesday is PDC skills test. Will have to make sure notes are complete for that. Need to look up stuff on xargs. Have to also summarise last Tuesday's ICC Accounting lecture. Once OOP and Networking assignments are finished, ICC must be started on. Thank God for friends who do Accounting subjects. Who would have thought Thran would actually be more than just a nuisance these days? (I know, I shouldn't think like that, but he does annoy me...) How on earth can I still call myself his friend if I can even think what I just wrote in those last two lines?! *curls up*

Ne... what have I become...