I thought I could trust him... I thought his defences were stronger than that... I didn't mean to give him my memories, or bring back his unwanted memories...
I was wrong again... why am I always wrong... although my past has shaped in part why I am the way I am now, I honestly think I've left it behind.
I thought I'd already been punished for what I'd done, so long ago... I guess I was wrong about that too... no matter how deep I bury my hopes, the fact that they exist means I can be hurt... I guess this is the rest of the punishment that I justly deserve for having done what I did... it was one mistake, I didn't expect it to carry so many consequences... I cannot change my past...
Just like when I asked him a few months ago about what he'd been thinking, thinking to myself that it couldn't be anything that we couldn't work out, but it ended up in the breaking of a link... I know that he hadn't been expecting such a catastrophic/explicit/shocking answer when he asked his simple "like what?" And like before, the person who gave the answer lost the other's trust. "I don't think I trust you enough to share a love relationship with you"
He is still of the light. I am still of the light. I still trust him. I hope that I can gain his trust again... it will take a long time, I think.
My past is a reminder to me of just how much I've been forgiven. It serves as a comparison of how much I have changed - if I haven't changed a lot from who I was before, then there is a problem with what I believe and how I live - and it is a reminder of what I should not degenerate back to.
I don't keep my past because I want to; it's because I can't erase it. But at least it serves a purpose.