Conclusions

It's actually 4:20 23 October 2008. I'm still up from the 22nd.

We met on 1.3.concourse couches at 17:10, while I was attempting Materials Science graphs; he went and got sushi and I spent some time throwing an empty pen cartridge at a pigeon. After a while we headed off somewhere away from the pigeon.
He and I spent perhaps an hour in a corner on 2.7 that had couches; in actual fact, we spent it on cushions on the floor because it was more comfortable, mostly rambling about random things and enjoying the physical closeness of each other. As before, he was much warmer than I, which was logical since I was in a tshirt and the weather was being rainy and windchillingly cold.
It was when I went to hug him that part of me started a revolt. It definitely refused to shut up after I brushed my arm across what I suspect was his erection; so much for the effort I'd been making not to touch there.
I ended up telling him about my feelings. Much earlier than I'd wanted to, but I suppose it was for the best; it's less likely to have excessively painful consequences if it hasn't gone on for long. I told him that I really wasn't physically attracted to him, and that I was probably only in the relationship because I wanted physical contact. I also told him that I was likely to pursue others because I was not emotionally involved with him. He thought long and hard about that.
Despite what I told him; despite the questions he asked and the honest answers I gave (which were still exceptionally shallow, and that made it all the harder to admit) - I was indeed feeling ashamed of being seen to be in a relationship with him - he said he was willing to continue, since my feelings were actually not that uncommon amongst couples.

It ended up with him once again asking me if I was willing to go out with him, with the reassurance that I would not lose his friendship regardless of the answer.
I said no again.
He accepted my decision and said he hoped that I was making the right choice, but left me the option of asking him out if I changed my mind.
By then it was close to 21:00; he suggested it was time to go, but I decided to stay on the cushions on my own.

I don't know where he went. I couldn't find him when I eventually left the cushions. I hope he got home safely.

I knew there would be some, but I had not been expecting the magnitude of emotional backlash I felt at closing the door to an opportunity. It almost physically hurt. It did not help that his scent was still on my right tshirt sleeve.

It's still there now.

I hope I made the right choice. I am not sure if the right choice often leaves one with the urge to drink oneself into unconsciousness.
Words said cannot be taken back; actions performed cannot be undone.
The consequences are still to be seen.
So be it.