I stuffed up this morning. Three months and the fact that Net147 also stuffed up earlier in the month have broken through my wall. I reckon that subconsciously, I have been wanting to give in, to repay Net147 his $14.70 back. I didn't want to accept the fact that he had given in.

...as one would expect, it was pleasurable. Intense. It only took about 30seconds to reach. I could probably have climaxed several times if I hadn't stopped after the first. After the flood of sensory stimulation ebbed to a more manageable river, it was shame and guilt that stopped me from doing it again.

I've been sort of emotionally numb since then, though the arousal is still sitting just under the surface. An accidental touch could easily set it off.