It's happening again, the past is repeating itself... I don't want it to happen... not again... not like this, not with him... and yet, what can I do about it? How long's it been? April? Something else whenever I try to talk... am I smothering him...?
Just checked previous blog posts. Way back in May, I said to myself that I couldn't believe my heart was intent on seeking again. Now it's three months later. What have I learnt? What has he learnt?
There are people who can understand me, so totally that if they chose to cut, I would probably die from the wound. And what have I done? I've let them into my core. Trust is such an elusive thing, and yet he trusts me completely. Can I do the same for him? Can I trust myself? Will I lose the wings I have gained, and fall from the cliff's heights to the rocks below?
Did the bleeding bring this on? Or am I doomed to forever doubt the ones that are closest to me? Fear drives out love... I don't want that to happen... Forgive me my insecurities and constant need for confirmation... previous experiences have scarred me, and the scars did not heal well...