Such an utter lack of self control.
Didn't sleep till 03:00 this morning. That's because I was planning to do my English AoS Journeys essay. What I actually did was get onto dialup at 23:30 and try to talk to Net147 for 3.5 hrs. Operative word try. I probably shouldn't have. His parents could have come up to check on him at any time between 00:00 and 02:00. He was being cautious, and since he had a noisy sort of a keyboard, he wasn't typing much. And so we didn't actually end up talking all that much. I got yelled at twice because the parents picked up the phone and realised that I was online, so they came out and 'pitied' me. Mum had been crying. What for, I don't know, and I seriously don't care, because she cries about the stupidest things, at the stupidest times. Get over it already. This is how I focus, this is what I need to do to get things done. No, this method works and I'm going to stick to it, it's too late to change now. Just leave me alone so I can get work done. No, you're NOT helping, go away! Yeah, if you were so right, then you wouldn't have to be arguing about it now. Sure, of course, I'm sure you have your ways of knowing exactly what I'm doing. No, you can't see, because I have nothing going on in the background, you freaked me out too much by opening the door and I shutdown all the windows. I'll go to sleep when I get this done, not before, and there is nothing you can do about it.
I don't want their useless pity, nor do I want their stupid worrying! Dammitall, I don't want anything to do with their stupid nagging! God forbid I ever become like my mother! They're forever wanting me to get work done. So I get work done. And still they nag me about how late it is, how I'm ruining my body, how it's 'not natural' blah blah blah JUST FUCK OFF!! DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I FUCKING CARE?! Just because they think they're 'normal'. Well I don't want to be normal. There is no normal. Why can't they see that? They claim to 'understand', they claim that they know. Well they don't know, and being adults, I don't think they can deal with that.
I didn't end up getting much of the essay done either. I'm actually supposed to be doing it now. Such a procrastinator.
I am so sick of hiding it. I don't want to. But my secret is not for them to know. And slowly, there will just be more and more secrets. Because they do NOT understand, they're not going to get it, and I sure as hell ain't going to be the one to tell them.