I don't exist... nothing exists... I'm not here...

Who am I trying to kid. I should know better than to try and deceive myself by now. To continue in a relationship that he is not committed to continue strengthening anymore is to lie to myself. It is not a relationship. It is my being absolutely stupid and tagging along hoping that I am what I know I am not.
It's not his fault for seeking what he wants to find. I feel like an idiot for thinking that I might have been what he was seeking. I know that all it took was the thought of him to warm me... I thought that although we seemed different, we had enough similarites to keep the link intact... that we could perhaps find similarities... that I would not have to wander alone anymore... that I had found my mate...

Why do I keep trying...
It's nowhere to be found
Perhaps it doesn't even exist
The closest I've gotten is this time
I don't want to hurt anymore
There is no one
The one I seek doesn't exist
Let me be
alone

The best I can probably do now... is try and help others

Mase got dumped again. At least he's not sinking into depression this time.

I guess I should get myself out of this self-pity. It's stupid and pointless and won't help anything.
At least I don't have the HSC to deal with anymore as well.

...who would have guessed I'd react like this... the other two times were not like this...
He says he still trusts me
WHY!? WHY DOES HE TRUST ME?! I can't return his trust anymore... not now... not for a long time... I remember that he said he trusted me... for a time, he seemed to say it was not true... I DON'T KNOW........ GO AWAY....... leave me alone, let me suffer...