I know he said that he had let go of the link. But I never really quite believed it. I'm still not sure if he did.
I asked him to promise that he'd be all right if I hurt him... and to know that I wouldn't hurt him deliberately. He said he would be. And told me to do what I wanted. Asked if I was going to hurt him. I didn't reply. Just went black, blocked him, and locked my comp.
Then ran out to the backyard... I needed time alone. I bounced mindlessly on the trampoline, tears running down my face, setting barrier after barrier within myself as I let the link go... let the hopes I'd had for the future go.
And it hurt.
It hurt both of us.
Despite my thinking that since he had already let go, it wouldn't hurt him... it still did. And that hurt me too... we are both empaths.
He'd shielded himself well against guilt, sadness and hurt before; I suspect that to suddenly experience it again, all at once, nearly overwhelmed him.
Why did I do it? I guess it was because I finally realised that I wasn't what he was looking for; that I probably wouldn't become that if I kept holding on to the end of a broken link. I can't deny the fact that he is a very good influence on me. But I know that if I'm to grow... there are some things I must learn for myself. I don't know what, but I'm sure they do exist.
What we seek are the same things. But at this point in time, we cannot fulfill the other's requirements/needs.
I hold one hope very deep within myself. That we will become what the other is seeking; for our hearts to link once more, forever.
But for now... I will drift in this cold loneliness... I will learn to see him only as a friend, and no more...