First day of daylight saving. I want to go outside tonight and sleep under the stars. Maybe I will freeze out there. All the better. He said he was sorry that he couldn't be what I wanted him to be; that he was sorry for everything.
Looking forward to the finishing of my last exam on Wednesday. Until then, I'm going to have to at least try and finish these astrophysics notes. He... he asked me to hurt him. Having the words in my mind echoed back to me like that... I found that when I tried, even though it was only rp, I was torn apart; on the verge of tears.
Ez asked me if I wanted to go over to his place yesterday and watch movies or something. I wasn't allowed; personally, I reckon he should have known better. I didn't particularly want to go either, and I didn't end up going. *shrugs* How is it that we are so alike, he understands me so well; I thought I understood him, and yet...
Went to a park in Concord after church, for a combined fellowship thing. Was given the job of cooking the sausages with John. His dad was nice enough to stand there the entire time the sausages were cooking, shooing away flies. The flies are back, in large numbers. -_-; Summer is truly coming. Every time he thinks about me or speaks to me, he feels a cloud of darkness settle around him.
After we'd finished lunch, I went to the next table and did some more physics. It was annoyingly windy. Everyone else played soccer. He's hurting... he's hurting because he knows he's hurting me... we're both hurting emotionally...
After I was done, I went for what seemed like a long walk. I found some of the yellow-white flowers with the sweet nectar, and tasted the nectar from two of the yellow ones. Is his blood really sweet? Would he allow me to taste it for real?
There was a box thing in the water. I sat and stared blankly at it for about 12 minutes. The entire time, I couldn't stop wondering about Net147. I'd given up on the link by then. I had no tears left to cry anyway.
He's hurting... he said he didn't deserve to be treated without pain... that's why he wanted me to hurt him physically... he couldn't do it himself... if that is what he asks of me, then I will have to ask the same of him... perhaps it is time for us to hunt to kill? If that were the case... I wonder if he would defend himself. He did do TKD after all...
I haven't seen that bloodthirsty side of me for some time. I guess he did tame me some after all.
That darkness that settles over him when he thinks of me... is it guilt? If it is... please don't feel that way... it's ok...